Written and directed by Matt Sadowski – SPOILERS
This is the story of Benny (Dov Tiefenbach), a man who reluctantly shares his living space with a financially challenged childhood friend (Autumn, played by Zoe Kravitz) with whom he has nothing in common. Every day he buys lemons from a grocery store near his home, and chats with a lovely clerk named Lily (Loretta Yu).
One evening, at a rock concert, Benny spots Jordan (Tommie-Amber Pirie), whom he correctly assumes to be at least superficially interested in him. He does nothing about it, but the following day he runs into Jordan again while putting up posters for another concert. (Benny designs and distributes such posters for a living, which is the only reasonable explanation for his presence at that rock concert.) They go to a jazz club where it quickly becomes apparent to everyone except the two of them that they are completely incompatible. Jordan asks him if he would like a Quick Fuck (meaning the drink).
A Quick Fuck is a layered shot. First the Kahlua goes in (it’s denser because of its high sugar content), then the Midori, and finally the Irish cream. The effect is primarily a visual one and the ingredients, like Benny and Jordan, do not mix. (Benny is definitely the Kahlua in this metaphor.)
Benny washes the taste of the Quick Fuck away with a sip of Jordan’s Caesar (which he suggested for her and was the drink he would normally have ordered).
Other stuff about Benny and Jordan (in no particular order):
— Benny has a lot in common with Woody Allen, and his encounters with Jordan are like the dates Alvy Singer had after Annie Hall left.
— Benny has sex with Jordan for the first time after they miss the last ferry and are marooned on the Toronto Islands overnight. They get rained on. Benny is the only one who thinks it is romantic.
— Jordan and Benny are at an outdoor party of some sort when Jordan has to pee. She pulls Benny into a relatively isolated area, squats and tells him: “Pretend we’re kissing.”
When their final date ends in a disastrously premature ejaculation, Benny at last realizes that Jordan is not his lobster. Did I mention the cute clerk named Lily at the produce stand near where Benny lives, and where he buys his lemons? Lily is in the process of learning to speak English, and always asks Benny to explain a word to her. (One suspects her English is better than she lets on, and that she is covertly flirting with our hero.) After the Jordan disaster, she asks him for the meaning of the word “date”. And yes, he finally does ask her out. We never do find out what he does with the lemons.